Something that many folks often don’t see in me is that I am acutely shy. I’ve actually had friends laugh uncontrollably when I shared that fact with them. I can fully understand why they might react that way too – I will walk into a group of complete strangers and start chatting to them or would stand on a stage and speak to a room full of people. At least, I would do these things if there were no way to hide or no one to stand behind. And I’ve often walked into rooms where I know no one or been the only person who was not determined that they would not be the one on stage. I also love people, so that love and interest of people carries me past the brow of the roller coaster and into the point of being out there.
And if someone asks me a direct question I will almost always answer directly (unless they give me enough space to hide!) So often I will speak openly about things that others would not. So if someone asks me about sex or sexuality I will often answer very honestly, no matter how personal the question.
So I appear to be very outgoing and certainly not shy. And yet I am …
And I hold my own beliefs and truth close to my heart.
In my share yesterday* about the live animal industry I recognised my own depth of feeling and how I have suppressed that to ‘protect’ those around me – to protect them from feeling uncomfortable for example. And yet I am a truth-speaker and staying quiet is deeply uncomfortable to me and in these situations I have to suppress my own truth to allow the comfort of another and sometimes their denial.
Over six years ago I went for a tantra massage and whilst lying receiving I had a strong recognition ‘I have to work with this!’ My next thought was ‘oh, b*gger!’ as I knew that was not a path for the faint hearted. In all sincerity, I walked forward in that direction with an open heart. When potential clients contacted me for a session, I welcomed each of them and was in open hearted service. As I look back I placed no criteria on who I would hold that sacred space open for, other than that I felt ‘safe’ to have them in my home. As a result, many came to me looking for things that I did not offer, and many were not even aware of what they sought. At the time probably neither was I ….
It’s all too easy to project and to believe that everyone else is the same as ourselves, or at least this is my experience.
And my own reality is the purity and sanctity of my own sexuality and of others.
So when clients were coming to me seeking instant gratification or a ‘sexy sexy’ experience then that was not what they found. Often they surprised themselves and found the profound and their own self in the process. But there were still some who could not let go of chasing their goal long enough to recognise they were already in Nirvana.
I still love to celebrate someone in their sexual wholeness and brilliance and Sacred Touch massage/tantra massage is a beautiful way to do so, but I now reserve that ceremony for those who are ready to celebrate themselves in this way.
And I continue to feel blessed to walk this path with the incredible souls who choose to walk with me…
More at www.sacred-touch.co.uk
(I also teach and coach in Sacred Touch massage)
*Yesterday’s post is here – www.facebook.com/