I am grateful to Gillian for inviting me to Scotland. I am grateful for her persistent dialogue with me over the last couple of months. I needed that.
I needed that dialogue because it does not feel right to me to develop some course and go promote it all over the world. I mean, keep promoting and delivering the same material. Yes, as a former economist I do know the value of “scalability” and its implications for success in all its forms. And it was a Scotsman who most eloquently developed that idea a couple of centuries ago … (yes, my affair with Scottish social and political philosophy started a long long time ago).
But this is Tantra! My Tantra!
My Tantra can only respond to what happens in the Moment.
Or at least this is what feels True to me right now. This is where I want to take my teaching and healing and just being in this world. This is what inspires me and gets me back on track when I get lost.
Especially as I have been on this path for just over 2 decades now and there have been plenty of opportunities to lose myself … and then find myself.
I mean, I had my first “tantric” experience, what, 20-21 years ago. Studying for some end of year exams at university, picked up a little booklet by Osho, a phrase stuck in my mind “be total, in anything you do be total”, I was very tired of being total in Higher Maths, Probability Theory, all other similar statistics waste-of-time and even though the social and political theory was a lot more interesting, especially since these were the years when Eastern Europe was transforming at the speed of light, I still needed something else. I did not know what I needed, I did not know how but that little booklet with the picture of the Indian dude with the intense eyes sounded good. From Sex to Super-Consciousness is something I was very willing to try. Especially since I was classed as an “experienced meditator” at that stage. Still, that sex-and-consciousness connection was not covered neither in my actual meditation practice, nor in the more advanced studies of the Vedas.
So I tried it. Raging hormones and all of that age. Anything to get a diversion from cramming. All I actually did was being total. With all the implications of that short five letter word … And It Blew My Mind ! … It probably blew all my circuits – nervous system, etheric, pranic, astral etc. all of them. Which opened the Gateway that I was to call about 15 years later – Tantra is Everything. Exactly that experience in which all levels and all dimensions seem to open and collapse onto each other. And everything is rewired and the whole system reboots, and new life juice starts flowing along that renewed circuitry which we call “I”, “Me”, “You”, “Us” …
All this for free, out there for the taking, for re-owning our birth right. Purely through self-acceptance, through the occasional glimpse of self-love, through opening and opening and opening to the Moment, to each other in that Moment, to nature, to all life all around us, to all past and future karmic and not so karmic inter-connections, through opening to the Cosmos … oh, yes, the cosmic whispers … some call it bliss, I call it Dancing with the Stars – psychics tell me this is part of my mission – to nourish and enliven the Joyous Ray in all Light seen and unseen. But I am not there yet. Not yet. Dancing with my stars is just too much fun.
Anyway, fast-forward 10 years later and I am organising workshops for my US-born Tantra teacher. Neo-Tantra is great, amazing, unbelievable … but those whispers are becoming stronger. Sometimes it’s the old Vedas, at other times are the Balkan, Slavic, Bolgar lineages in my blood, other times are the dimensions of the Beyond The Beyond. So I have to drop that “tantra, neo-tantra business”. Or it drops me. I go into my personal retreat for a few years. I have stubborn lineages too. I can ignore the calls from the Universe for a long time.
But the Universe is persistent too. Almost as good as Gillian 🙂 … Literally on Christmas of 2006 into 2007 the call is “Come out. You have to teach again”. At that stage I know I have to listen.
This is one version of the story how My Tantra came about. That brew of movement-ness, self-empowerment, acknowledging the Elementals and all other subtler energies, honouring the Earth, Spirit-inspired psychotherapy, Soul therapy, sacred sexual work, Shamanic rememberings, Somatic body-poetry, embodying the Cosmic Dancer – oh, yes, the Nataraj – came about … And obviously there is so much more. It comes in the usual drips and drops. Like the Q’ero Inca Shaman woman telling me last year, “You have Healing Hands”. Or my locally based Reiki-teacher, “Your massage reconnects me with Spirit”.
It’s an interesting balancing act that Living My Truth and yet being open and response-able to All Around me. Where the rubber meets the road on that one is the Moment.
So, how do I simulate in advance that future Moment when I will be in Scotland at the beginning of September? That has been a big concern for me over the last few weeks since the Scotland visit was finalised.
My first intuitive impulse was the importance of Personal Practice and Meditation. These have been coming a lot for me lately as I am re-entering again the neo-Tantric community. Obviously sexual healing is extremely important. Probably right now, in the West, we can’t move at all if we do not do significant Sacred Sexual work. Yet, I know in my core of cores that with Meditation that deeper healing can happen faster and will have more profound effects.
When I connect with the Land in Scotland the messages so far have been, “Men need it too … Men need it too …” … I am not sure exactly how this one will play out. Sometimes my messages are for actual work in the workshops and private session. At other times all the work is in the subtler realms. Sometimes the work is just in passing the message. Another whisper from the Deva of Scotland was a revelation about crystal caves and the role of that part of the world as a “resort for elementals” and maybe an incubator too. But it certainly plays a huge role in the current changes in Earth consciousness… I am sure there will be more messages as time advances.
A lot of time I find that my Tantra work is purely dictated by what the land of that place requires. We are all affected by the location energies and often called to locations whether we realise that consciously or not.
So what better way to learn and feel and open myself to the needs of the place and its people but a good dialogue … Ask Me. Tell Me Your Stories – of pain, illness, difficulties, as well as hope, inspiration, deep knowing …
Does that actually make sense? … Gillian tells me that nobody could understand what my workshop is about from what I have written for the flyer … I do have that high theory background and I am always making a huge effort to erase that style of writing but maybe it still creeps in here and there. I am sure some of the problems with that flyer is that I still have not fully downloaded the Scottish events …
“This is the marvel of Tantric practice, which right from the beginning recognizes in its practitioners their capacity to understand the most far-fetching of the teachings and which, in the presentation of these teachings, conceals nothing”
I am obviously not there yet … I need your help … Ask me … Let the Journey begin now