Just over four years ago, in March 2009, I went to see Lynn Paterson.  Whilst I was there I asked her ‘have you ever thought about setting up a tantra group in Scotland, Lynn?’  A wee while later she contacted me and asked me to help her set up a group!  My response was ‘but I don’t know anything about tantra!!!’  Of course I did, but I was coming from a scientist’s perspective where to set up a group suggested that all those setting it up were recognised experts in their field.  Lynn certainly had a wealth of experience in tantra massage and I had no doubts that she was well placed.   But me????  I’ve always been one to love a challenge though and had a well established reputation for making things happen and making things work.  So by April or May we had the meetup group set up (www.meetup.com/Sacred-Heart-Tantra) and in June 2009 we had our first meeting in Partick Burgh Hall, with its crazy carpets, and interesting noises and sound effects.  Lynn and Isaac led most of the meetings until they headed across to Ireland in early 2010 and at that stage I really couldn’t hide behind them anymore!  I was silently calling out to Scotty to ‘beam me up’ for most of the early meetings that year, but lucky for me the group had attracted really lovely members who were thoroughly supportive.

In the summer of 2010 I went to one of Luba Evans’ workshops and then to the first ever Tantra Festival in Osho Leela and in August 2010 I hosted Baba Dez Nichols, which was a joy.  I had been dancing round the edges till then but that was me right in the deep end; especially as Dez’ visit was a major shove for me to hand in my notice for my health service management job of 21 years and head to South Africa for the ISTA Practitioner training in December. (I’d done some training with Lynn in 2009 and had been offering tantra massage since then.)

One of the ways I’ve always been supported in life is in the people who come into my life.  In South Africa I met Shakti Malan, who co-delivered the training with Dez, and Denisa and Richard from Tantra Spa in Prague, Bruce and Shakara Lyons, Claire Rumor; Andrew Barnes, as well as many other beautiful souls who have become dear friends and deeply supportive of my work.  By that stage I’d also connected with Dr Kenneth Ray Stubbs and was fascinated by his work.  I returned to South Africa in the following year to do some intensive training with Shakti and Rahasya.  And in early 2011 I began doing some extremely intensive work with Ray (Stubbs).  In that year the SHT group and I hosted seven different teachers, including Uta Demontis, Carlos Jalon, Robert Silber, Shakti Malan, Lynn Jackson, Andrew Barnes, and Vesco Bondov (twice).  It was a crazy busy year that year, with each of these visitors staying at my house and offering sessions whilst here, but what a great year for learning!  During this time I was also doing development work with Ray Stubbs which left me feeling as if I was in mid metamorphosis – you know, that state where the pupae completely dissolves before it reforms!!

In relation to the SHT group I am deeply grateful to Vesco – watching his work was a huge inspiration for me and really helped me find my own way of working.  By the time he came in late 2011 we had moved SHT meetings from Partick to Yoga Healing Glasgow, which is a space that always felt so welcoming to come into and which we had already been using for most of our workshops so far.  Anthea has always been so incredibly supportive of the group and of me myself and my own work.  I had become very comfortable in facilitating the meetings by the time Vesco arrived.  He was running a mini workshop on the Thursday evening and the SHT monthly meeting was on the next evening.  When I asked Vesco if he would have a break in his evening he replied ‘no, because that breaks the energy’.  It was a real penny-dropping-moment!  So the following evening I completely turned round the way I facilitated the evening.  It was nerve-wrecking but folks loved it.  And from then on, at each monthly meeting, I simply turned up and followed the energy of the group with no set agenda.  This is tantra after all – being present with what is……

So the Sacred Heart Tantra group has undergone quite a metamorphosis of its own.   I have continued to grow and transform, mainly through the work I’ve been doing with Ray, and also in journeys I’ve taken to places like Mexico and the Earthdance ceremony, and in the people I’ve met and particularly through my own work, which continues to stretch me into growth.  Those who have followed me through the years  often remark on this change in who I am and what I offer.  And Sacred Heart Tantra has always been a vehicle for me to be in service.  The monthly meetings have continued, but always changing and growing.  We now offer monthly movie nights and more social events such as New Year social evenings and this month’s birthday party.  And I am about to start offering a monthly healing temple and a development circle.  We used to offer two set groups per year but interest had dropped off for these but I anticipate that I may be offering something soon that allows folks to explore in more depth and to commit to their own growth and development.

….Next I think I’ll add a little about how I was drawn to this work ….

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When I began to offer the Into The Belly events I asked my lovely friend Sophie if I could use this photo of her decorated belly whilst it was still home to their young son, with both his mum and his dad´s hands cradling and holding him.

I loved sharing this photo as it so beautifully celebrates the power of a woman´s body to create, nurture and hold-safe new life.

I have always had a curvaceous body, with a soft belly and breasts on which my nieces, and nephews and my son would rest and cuddle into when they were babies.  Mine has been a body that lent itself easily to maternal comfort.  But I was busy and active and I was never overweight.  And then in the past couple of years I have moved into being more heavy than I have ever been, and yet more comfortable and at ease in my own body.  During the Into the Belly immersions for women I have often received comments from women who recognized my comfort in my body, and this is a body that might be judged by our society as heavier than it should be.

When I had the fabulous Nikki de Gruchy of Unlimited Exposure staying, and she agreed to an impromptu photo shoot, I felt compelled to ask her if she would take some photos of me that celebrated my belly in its power and wholeness.  The two photos below really capture this; the raw power of the female body; with soft flesh and stretch-marks as evidence that my belly has held the new, growing life of my sons.  When I saw these photos, even I was in awe of the power of a woman´s sexuality when it is untethered and allowed.

And then I woke the next morning.  And I couldn’t understand my feelings of guilt.  Then I recognized the source of this guilt – that I had allowed my power to be photographed; that I had shared this naked power.  And beyond the guilt was the fear and vulnerability in sharing these images of myself, even with close friends.  And knowing that I needed to share them more widely.

And so from my truth and my vulnerability I extend an invitation to lay your head upon the belly of the goddess…..

Image © Nikki de Gruchy, 2013
www.unlimited-exposure.com (soon to be live)
www.facebook.com/unlimitedexposure

This is from a message I sent to a friend last week:

“The big realisation I got this morning was just how much is encoded in Woman and specifically what is encoded in me.  It’s almost as if it can only be unlocked/uncoded at that point of sacred union, when a man and a woman who are both evolved fully meet. This meeting/sacred union may be in lovemaking or it may be ‘simply’ energetic, ie involving no physical contact between the two.   And I’m not even sure if it is possible yet – whether either men or women are anywhere close to evolved enough.”

When I went to the temples in Malta for the first time in 2010 I connected strongly back into the archetype of the priestess.  And at that time my attention was drawn very strongly to the use of menstrual blood and it felt very important for me to understand the function and capacity of menstrual blood in ceremony and ritual.   (I wrote about this in my blog on www.reclaimingdelphi.com/2012/11/reclaiming-delphi).  When I returned to the Maltese temples the following year I connected and asked them what I needed to hear.  They told me that it was about the unity of man and woman, that they had never been built only for the god or the goddess, or the man or the woman separately, but they had been built for the Unity of the Whole.  And I felt the importance of sacred union in its true form, or the sacred sexual rituals which were performed in the temples and that they must be reclaimed.  There were sacred rituals involving lovemaking in those temples when they were in right use of power.  And now the message feels that this is how that right use of power can be reclaimed.

At the end of April and the beginning of May, at the time of the Celtic festival of Beltane, which is the festival that celebrates fertility, traditionally by lovemaking between the May Queen and the Green Man, I will be sharing that celebration with the people of Massachusetts (probably not with actual lovemaking ;o) ).  These Sabbats or Celtic festivals have been woven into the land here in Scotland and held there until their time has come round again.  I have really been feeling the call of the earth and all that is held in her – this feels like another sort of encoding.

I think there are men and women who have the capacity to understand this work and to support this reclamation, but I’m not sure how many, if any, are ready yet.   I have gone there with men who have not been ready and they have been terrified.  And they have only seen glimpses.  It’s for this reason that I have consciously chosen celibacy and not to go into lovemaking with another person.  I feel that the earth being is able to engage my energy, but at this time I have yet to meet a human being with that capacity.

It’s been an interesting journey. Over the past couple of years as I’ve been working with women in particular I’ve seen how disconnected they have become from their bellies and in so doing disconnected from their intuition and power, and also from their creativity, sexuality and ability to receive. It’s a form of castration that we are often responsible for instigating ourselves. And we do this by rejecting our bellies on the grounds that they are too fat, too thin, too many stretch marks, or whatever reason. I sense that we allow/participate in this because we are terrified of the capacity of our own power.

In one to one sessions I’ve been supporting women to reconnect to their bellies and to this power and it has been a beautiful process to be part of. I have been conceiving some form of event to support groups of women to reconnect to their power and toward the end of last year I finally took the plunge and started offering this. It felt vital to include men in this process. I held two, 4-hour events on 15th December last year and it was an incredibly powerful and profound day. The first session was for women only and in the second session men were invited in. Because they were relatively short sessions I anticipated that it would be fairly light – how wrong was I!! Both sessions went very deep indeed and in the first there was deep collective healing amongst women and in the second there was quite profound healing of the individual wounds and the collective wounding between men and women.

I knew I needed to offer more and I kept having the thought ‘do something at Imbolc’. I couldn’t understand this till I read that the Celtic festival of Imbolc on 2nd February translates as ‘in the belly’! So I have been facilitating a series of events around this festival.

It feels like such a deep privilege to be part of this process. And I have been surprised by how much interest there has been in these events, with invitations coming from elsewhere in the UK and from elsewhere in the world to facilitate similar events throughout this year.

I just wonder how it will be when the sleeping dragon of women’s sexual power is awakened. And how then it will be when this provokes the awakening of man’s sexual power. And what will be the offspring of this awakened union in right use of this awakened power ♥

Imbolc translates as “in the belly”; a festival of light and fertility and also purification and shedding that which no longer serves. It is the Celtic festival that marks the beginning of the new year and as such it invites us to undertake an inventory of our life, to consider what serves us and what no longer serves us. It is a time which also invites us to think about what we would like to draw into our life in the forthcoming year, and particularly to consider what our deepest needs are. This is a time when our ancestors celebrated making it through the winter and having enough food in their stores to sustain them.

It is a festival of the hearth fire, often associated with the goddess Brighid. The fire offers us an opportunity to let go of anything that no longer serves us. This simple fire ceremony can be carried out using the flame of a candle on the kitchen table. You are also welcome to come to Prestwick beach where we will build a fire (expected to start from 7pm on Saturday 2nd February).

I suggest that you make two lists:
1. The first list is a list of those things in your life that no longer serve you. These may be material things, like the cracked mug that you’ve been using to drink your tea out of, or they may be unhelpful emotions or coping mechanisms, such as biting your nails, or letters from a friend who you have been hoping would reconnect for the past ten years. I like to let go of things with gratitude in recognition that these things have served us in some way. Find a pretty sheet of paper, or a plain sheet of paper which you can then decorate. Alternatively I’ve attached a pdf with some decorative borders that you can use if you have a colour printer. Then write down all those things which you feel no longer serve you and would like to let go of. Write them with gratitude for the gifts they have given you. Then on the evening of tomorrow, Saturday 2nd February, read the list through, allowing yourself to connect fully to each item and when you feel ready hold the page over the fire and gift each item on the list to the flame.

2. The second list will include all those things you are choosing to draw to yourself, that you choose to welcome into your life, along with the light of the new year. You could simply create a ‘Joy List’: a list of all the things in life that give you joy. On my joy list I have things like ‘collecting washing off the line outside’ (that yummy dried-outside smell), ‘the smell of fresh cut grass’, ‘peppermint tea’, ‘brushing my hair’, as well as some more exotic ones like ‘swimming in warm oceans’. In fact most of the things on my list are easily accessible, like ‘having my hands in the earth’, ‘watching children play’, ‘dancing’. Alternatively your list could be one of goals, such as ‘travel to Iceland’, ‘visit family in Australia’, ‘climb a Munro’, ‘run a marathon’. You could even create both types of list or a type of list of your own creation. Do what feels good for you  Again you can use the borders in the pdf file to make your own ‘pretty paper’ for these, or else you can decorate your own. I then suggest that you post your joy list, list of goals etc where you see them every day.

♥ Whatever you choose to do I wish you many blessing & great prosperity in this new year ♥

We live in powerful times.  Not for hundreds of thousands or hundreds of millions of years, depending on who is telling you, has there been this level of intensity of the Earth Being’s energy.  And people are feeling this.  Some are aware that they are feeling it and some tell me that ‘it’s all normal’.  But how many of you have been feeling like life is spinning out of your control, or how many of you have experienced stuff you thought you had dealt with coming back to grip you by the throat?

And I have been working with people to support them through these processes and times.  And I have known that I need to be available to do more.  I’ve been keeping my diary fairly clear for the last few months and most of this year I have been very aware of the need to be flexible and available.  This month I am not offering any fixed bookings and am open to work with others as they need me.

It is as if any schedule or structure is requiring to be dismantled and for us to really show up, be present and be with what is truth in the moment.

And this evening I had been offering an event that had been scheduled; the monthly meeting of the Sacred Heart Tantra group, which usually meets on the first Friday of the month.  But these times are not usual.  So unsurprisingly there were a couple of cancelations this morning and I was considering cancelling the meeting itself.  Then I spoke to a friend in Dubai and they were feeling physically very out of balance, with all the symptoms of flu.  I felt to offer to do a bit of work with them and within ten minutes they told me they were not only feeling much better and much clearer but also that they had gained clarity on what they needed to do in the moment.

And I also gained clarity – that I need to still hold the space in Yoga Healing Glasgow this evening for folks to come into a safe and held space and for me to support them in their transition.

So this is an opportunity opening for anyone in the Glasgow area or able to get to Glasgow this evening to come and receive some support in what you are experiencing now, supporting your own transformation; centring, growth and unfolding.  This is offered with deep, sincere and unconditional love.

I look forward to seeing you this evening.